The Bossy Bar-Wife


Location: United States

Friday, October 12, 2007

When I was in grad school, a few friends and I discovered something very very good was going on at a local dive bar every Wednesday night.

What was this thing, you ask? Just a little gift from God called... karaoke.

OK. This was more than just something we did every once in a while. This was an all-out addiction, starting at 9 pm and ending anywhere between 2 and 4 am. We also had jobs, and early morning classes, but were a lot younger then, and it was just impossible to leave karaoke. It grew and grew, and we made lots of friends.

Karaoke is even part of the reason Mr. Bossy and I are together, as he was a regular patron of this bar as well. One night he was asked to be a judge of the monthly contest they had there. This particular night was an '80s contest. Some of the people came decked out in full costume, knowing what they were going to sing, and did a great job. I wasn't planning to enter, as country karaoke is my genre of choice, but I decided to just sing for the fun of it. I wasn't wearing a costume, wasn't really giving it my all... but somehow I won.

Turns out Mr. Bossy (who was also Mr. Inebriated) liked me, and wanted me to win. I didn't know him at the time, really, and we didn't start dating until several months later, but that's where it began.

You might also be interested to know that the karaoke DJ wouldn't let me win because the judges were too drunk to make a fair decision. Ah, romance.

Anyway, for a variety of reasons we stopped going there (after 2 years) and they no longer do karaoke. I haven't done karaoke in over 5 years, and I miss it. A lot. Every time I hear the song that was my "signature" song, I get all excited and nostalgic at the same time.


A couple of weeks ago, my dear friend and partner in karaoke crime sent me a text message that said another local pub was starting up karaoke, and on FRIDAY NIGHTS.

Nothing could have given me greater pleasure, and Friday is the perfect night for me. It starts tonight, and you can bet your ass we'll be there with bells on. I am so excited, it's all I can think about. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Sweet Relief

Well, I appreciate your support of my previous post and your well wishes for last weekend's block party. I won't keep you in suspense any longer...

Last Saturday was my favorite neighborhood day of the two years we've lived there! I feel redeemed.

First of all, we had a yard sale Saturday morning. This was one of those neighborhood deals, so there were about 15 houses participating. We didn't think we had much, but we had a couple of things I wanted to get rid of, so we decided to give it a try.

(My use of the word "we" may be slightly misleading. Mr. Bossy was in no way involved in the yard sale preparation or the sale itself. He did help me carry some of the stuff outside before he left for work. That's it).

ANYWAY, so I'm sitting outside all Saturday morning, and some of our neighbors were out too, so that was a good start. We talked some, and I was feeling more confident when I heard they were going to the party that night. So, we made a little bit of money and got rid of the main things I wanted to get rid of. Success!

Later that afternoon, we walked down the street to the place of the party. Before the party we were supposed to have a Neighborhood Watch meeting to discuss the PEEPING TOM problem in our neighborhood. After that, we went right into block party mode.

Fortunately for me, the main neighbors that we know were all there, and we all sort of hung out together. Everyone was saying how much better this party was than last year's, and I couldn't have agreed more. We ended up staying for quite a while, and then went to another party in our neighborhood (we didn't even know this person, but she put flyers on our mailboxes, so we all went as a group).

All in all, I was so happy to have put that previous party behind me. I haven't seen any of my neighbors since then, but I have visions that we'll all be best friends forever after last weekend. I'll be sure to let you know.

PS-- The title of my previous post, followed by the title of this one sounds like some sort of digestive issue. I apologize and assure you that was not my intent.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007


About a year and a half ago, I got invited to a neighborhood block party. (I probably shouldn't say it that way-- our whole neighborhood was invited, I didn't "get" invited).

Anyhow, we got this thing in the mailbox saying we were having a block party and that a local place would provide hot dogs, hamburgers, etc. but that we should bring desserts. For some reason, I got overly excited about this party. I went directly to my computer to RSVP that I would indeed be there-- even though Mr. Bossy was going to be out of town with the guys-- and that I'd gladly bring a dessert to share. I was even going to a baby shower that afternoon, but figured I could do both.

So, the morning of the party I was busily making these delicious cookies that are sort of my signature, and packing them in a cute basket for the occasion, etc. etc.

I looked down to the end of my street where the party was supposed to be getting started, and I didn't see much going on. So I went back inside and waited. You know how it feels when you have nothing to do, you're simply just waiting to leave or something? It was like that. I was just sitting and waiting, checking my watch.

So, about 15 minutes later I decided I had to go, if I was going to have enough time to enjoy this party and make it to the baby shower. So, I picked up my cookies and marched myself down the street.

Now, I know some of my neighbors. Not many. Naturally, the ones I knew at the time weren't at the party. So, I was feeling slightly less confident as I got to the end of the street and walked up to the guests.

I didn't know where to put my cookies, so I just put them on an empty table and then someone called out to me that I needed a nametag. I put on my nametag and looked around expectantly for all my new friends to begin greeting me.



So, I wandered over to the grill and asked for a hot dog. The man working the grill greeted me by name (due to the nametag), which gave me a ray of hope, but then I realized that he wasn't one of my neighbors, he was from the local restaurant.

So, I got some tea and realized that I didn't have anywhere to sit, so I sort of floated over to a group of people about my age talking. One of them introduced himself to me, but the rest of them just kept talking as though they'd never noticed me. (which they probably didn't).

Anyway, after a few awkward minutes, wherein I realized that without a baby or a dog OR a husband there with me (at the very least), I had nothing to make this any easier. So, I said-- to NO ONE--- "Well, I've got to get to a baby shower".

No one said anything, so I looked around for my cookies. I found them, sitting in all their homemade glory, surrounded by Oreos and Nutter Butters still in their plastic bags. Not impressed.

So, I made my way home, about 20 minutes after I got there. I was devastated. Why didn't anyone want to be friends with me? Why didn't I think to borrow a baby or a dog so I would have something to keep myself company?

So. I tell you all this to say that this Saturday night, there is another block party. Mr. Bossy and I are going to go... but I have a lot of apprehension about this event. I'll be sure to let you know how it all turns out. At least I know he'll talk to me.

I hope.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Dear Whoopi Goldberg,

Congrats on your first day on the View.

For your information:

I am from the south... more "deep" than Michael Vick is. Deeper than Virginia. I know NO ONE who is or ever has been involved in dog-fighting, etc. No matter the geography of the perpetrator, this is a disgusting crime.

As a life-long southerner, I heartily resent your remarks on this subject.

Thank you.


Friday, August 31, 2007


Wednesday night I had the unfortunate experience of being alone in an elevator with this woman who sort of drives me nuts. I think you all know the type-- the kind who you want to like, because you know she doesn't have a lot of friends and you want to be kind to her, but she says and does the most irritating things that make you understand why she doesn't have that many friends. Make sense?

OK, so I really do try to be nice to this woman, and I'm certainly never mean to her or anything like that, but I try to avoid prolonged conversations. However, there we were, riding the elevator together.

Here's how our conversation went:

Her: How's everything with you?

Me: Fine, can't complain. You?

Her: Fine. So... when you gonna make a baby?

Me: "..."

Her: I'm just going to go ahead and get personal.

Me: (pulling out my standard answer when people ask this question) "Well, not today!"

Her: Well, I think the teens you work with would really have fun with that. Plus, it would be a great lesson for them about the consequences of your actions.

OK--- as a young woman who is married and has been for a few years, I am used to people asking me about my child-bearing plans, although normally they are people I am a little closer to. What really irritated me about this was the idea that I would use my as of yet un-conceived child as a lesson about the consequences of sex! Does that strike anyone else as strange?

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Television and miscellaneous thoughts

Here's what I'm watching this summer:

1. The Hills-- I almost wish I weren't part of perpetuating this cycle, but I do love LC and have to watch this show. I have managed to resist "Newport Harbor: the real OC" for the time being, but I suspect that a weekend marathon on MTV might cure me of that.

2. Fashionista Diaries: I am totally loving this show. It comes on Soapnet and I am completely fascinated by it. If any of you are watching it, tell me, because I need to discuss it with someone. Did you like Nicole? I felt sorry for her, but I think she made the right decision. Also-- that Mandie lady from 7th house? Eeek.

3. Big Brother 8-- LOVE. IT. I've even gotten Mr. Bossy into it and now he's saying things like "I can't believe I never watched this show before this year". My work here is done... BB is one of those shows where I basically hate all the contestants (except Jessica) but I still can't get enough.

Anyone have anything else to recommend? This is about the time of year when I start getting really ready for my regular favorites to come back on. My heart still feels heavy since the OC won't be back on, but at least I have a few other things I like to watch.

Let me know if you'd like to discuss any of these shows. I'm all ears.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

I'm Still Alive

Hello all! (If there are any of you still out there, which I hope there are!)

So, apparently, I've been on a bit of a blog-cation. I didn't really plan it this way, it just happened. I hope we can still be friends.

Here's what's been going on with me lately:

1. I have been sweating. A lot. It's hot as hades here and it's miserable.

2. The other night I was speaking to a group of teenagers, and said "Now, you have to be really smart to do this..." , while pointing to my own brain (the universal gesture for "smart"). Unfortunately, I missed my brain and poked myself right in the eye. Needless to say, that ended any semblance of order in the room.

3. I went with Mayor and a Real Mother to the Justin Timberlake concert. Mayor did a good job describing the experience on her blog, and let me say this: he is SO. HOT. I don't often describe people as "sexy", but that's what he was. It was .... wow. Of course, we also realized we aren't as young as we used to be and that young ladies today do not always dress appropriately. Maybe they thought they were going to meet Justin? I don't know. The worst was the mom on the row with us who WOKE UP HER FIVE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER to dance when he sang "What goes around". Unfortunately, this small child was dancing in the same manner as JT's dancers. Which is to say, like strippers. OK, I'm old. Sorry.

4. Last but not least, Luke Perry was spotted in my town. Now, this is a bit of a sensitive subject for me. I LOVE LP. I love him so much. Dylan McKay has been the love of my life since I was in high school, and I believe that I will always carry a torch for him.

One morning I get to work and have an email from a friend saying that he saw Luke Perry at a local bar the night before. Just sends me this email, all non-chalant, instead of doing what a real friend would do and CALL ME AT THE TIME so I could throw on my "Donna Martin graduates" T-shirt and haul ass up there.

As the week goes on, I hear story after story of him being spotted around town, doing this and that. It seemed like everywhere I turned, people were saying "oh yeah, I saw him here" or whatever.

I never saw him. But I think it might be for the best, because I am afraid one of two things would have happened. One, I would have been so star-struck and in awe of him I would have just sat and stared and cursed myself for not approaching him.

Or, two, I would have had a couple of drinks, and marched over to him and said, "OK. Once and for all. Brenda or Kelly?"