The Bossy Bar-Wife


Location: United States

Tuesday, July 31, 2007


Scene: Boston hotel room. Early Saturday morning.

Our hotel was lovely and we had a great time in Boston. However, the bed was tiny-- less than a double but more than a twin, and the Bossies are a a slightly larger people. We normally sleep in a king-sized bed and take up as much space as humanly possible.

Me: Morning. (a greeting not really necessary since we were practically glued together due to the space issue).

Mr. Bossy: Hi. How'd you sleep?

Me: Grrrrrr. This bed is so f-ing petite!

A few moments go by in silence.

Mr. Bossy: (in a very friendly, helpful voice) Maybe tonight you could sleep on the floor.

I think it's safe to say the honeymoon's over.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

God Bless the Child

So, last night, I told Mr. Bossy that I was having lunch today with a friend of mine I haven't seen in a while. She has two boys, and is divorced from their father but recently remarried.

Here's how it went:

Me: I'm going to lunch with E tomorrow.

Him: Doesn't she have to work?

Me: No, she doesn't work right now.

Him: But she has kids, right? Don't kids need milk and sweaters and stuff?

Me: Yes, yes they do. But, tell me... what the hell are you talking about?

Finally he realized that he didn't know she was not working right now and is also remarried. Additionally, I realized that our future (un-conceived) children are very lucky indeed to have a father who knows so much about their needs. Milk and sweaters... that about covers it, right?

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

I just love it when this happens

Today I had a meeting with someone at the Starbucks down the street from my office. As I was walking down the sidewalk, I was feeling pretty confident-- I have on my favorite jeans, cute shoes, nice accessories, etc. I'm prancing down the sidewalk, feeling like a star, when it happened.

I turn my head to the right and see a reflection of someone with a big ass, stomach sticking out, lurching down the sidewalk, whose hair was a mess.

Lesson: Avoid mirrors at all costs.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

A Grand Entrance

In my last post, I told you of a man I work with who I screamed at not to judge me for eating a doughnut.

Well, yesterday, I walked into this same man's office with my morning cup of coffee, and instead of just walking through the door like a normal human, I somehow misjudged the space and ended up banging into his wall as I entered, knocking a picture off the wall with a huge clatter and shrieking my surprise at this event.

His back was turned, so he didn't even know I was coming. I think I shocked him a little with my grand entrance, judging from his response, "WHAT the...?"

He may request that I be removed from the office sometime in the near future. I really need to get a grip on myself. Or at least leave this poor man alone.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

What's My Problem?

This morning, someone brought hot Krispy Kreme doughnuts to our staff meeting. I heard last night before I left work that he was planning to do this, so this morning I was sure to eat at home. Not that I don't love those things, and not that I'm on a diet, but I decided to try and exercise some restraint, for once.

So, I was all prepared for it and didn't even look at those bad boys when I walked into the meeting. Even when everyone else was drooling over their second ones, I remained cool. Someone even said "you don't like doughnuts?" and I said "Yes, I like them. But I ate breakfast at home in anticipation of theme being here".

Needless to say, I practically broke my own arm patting myself on the back.

About 15 minutes ago, I realized that I was starving. (Yes, I ate lunch, but listen. I'm hungry). I went down to our workroom to get myself a diet coke, and saw the box of doughnuts sitting on the counter. I opened it up, and there was one left! It was calling me... "Bossy! Heat me up and eat me right now!"

So I did.

I heated that thing up and was walking it down the hall to my office where I could enjoy it fully. I thought all my co-workers were gone, which pleased me, since I didn't want anyone to see me eating this thing, but as I walked down the hall, one of them came out of his office. Before he could even blink an eye, I screamed "DON'T JUDGE ME I DIDN'T HAVE ONE THIS MORNING!"

He was like "Good Lord, woman. WHAT is your problem? I didn't even notice. Relax."

So, I hauled ass down to my office and ate that thing in about 2.2 seconds. It was freaking delicious and I have no regrets.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Quite Possibly the Best News Ever

Ok, I'm pretty sure we've talked about Chick-fil-A on this blog before, and my feelings for it. If you don't remember, suffice it to say I like it. A LOT.

So, in the last year or two, an excellent Chick-fil-A opened very near to where I work, which also happens to be near where I live. This is the best Chick-Fil-A ever. On Monday nights you can take your church bulletin and get a free sandwich. They do lots of stuff for the community, etc. etc. And now, they've taken it to the next level.

Next week is Customer Appreciation Week!

Here is a rundown of what I'll be enjoying next week:

Monday: Sampling of Fudge Nut Brownies

Tuesday: Sampling Chicken Minis

Wednesday: Sampling Freshly Squeezed Lemonade

Thursday: Sampling Handspun Milkshakes

Friday: Free Chicken Biscuit and Sampling Cheesecake

Saturday: Sampling Nuggets

Everyday you can get your picture taken with the Chick-Fil-A Cow (!) and there are free giveaways.

I may be unreasonably excited about this, but there you have it. If you're looking for me next week, that's where I'll be.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Looking Ahead

I hope you all had a wonderful 4th. Mine was very nice, but nothing truly outstanding happened.

So, I've been a little grouchy lately, maybe because I am tired or because our grass really needs cutting, or because Mr. Bossy tipped over our grill two weeks ago and has yet to pick it up. (Don't make me explain to you why I haven't picked it up yet). I'm also really depressed that I'm not going to the beach this summer, a situation for which I have decided to blame my sister and possibly the US Military.

So, I decided that instead of wallowing, I would list some of the things I'm looking forward to, and see if that would cheer me up. So... here are the things I'm excited about for the rest of the summer:

1. Tonight. BIG BROTHER 8 begins! Those of you who watch it, let's discuss. Those of you who don't-- you might consider changing your mind. It's very good. Very good indeed. Plus, I know you have nothing better to watch in the summer.

2. I finally ordered "Bright Lights, Big Ass". I can't wait to read it. I love, love, love Jen Lancaster and can't wait to hear what she has to say this time.

3. Yesterday I was invited to a friend's lake house next weekend. I think I can go, so now I'm getting excited about at least being near some water, even if it isn't the beach. Plus, all the people going are really fun, so that helps.

4. Mr. Bossy and I are headed to Boston at the end of this month. I have never been, so I am extremely excited. If you know of something we have to do/eat/see, let me know. We're actually going to see the Police at Fenway, which is a dream of Mr. Bossy's. Other than that, we're wide open as far as plans, so suggestions are welcome.

5. My next Frappucino. I'm assuming that will be tomorrow, if not today.

That's all I can think of at the moment, but it did cheer me up a little. What are you looking forward to this summer?

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Happy 4th!

Happy Fourth of July to all!

I hope you all have a great day. So far today, I have done the following:

-- Watched two episodes of the OC.

-- Eaten one peanut butter chocolate chip cookie (these are so freaking good-- I got the recipe from Southern Living and always make them for the 4th)

-- Tried to do some online shopping but got frustrated-- I may send out a cry for help to my fashion blogging friends.

-- Checked the status of my laundry with regard to the deck of cards incident detailed in the previous post. We're getting there, although the white sheets have a bluish tint to them now.

Later, I'll head to my parents' house for dinner, fireworks, and time with my new neice. What are your plans?

Monday, July 02, 2007

Not Playing With a Full Deck

So, I've been out of town for a week, and had today off. I used my time very wisely, watching 90210 re-runs and washing clothes. I was doing so well at washing clothes that I decided to go all the way and wash my mattress pad and my very favorite sheets.

Well, I washed almost everything and had to go somewhere tonight. So, I left the last load (sheets and towels) washing when I left. I got home around 10:45 and went to put them all in the dryer. As I pulled the tangled mess out of the machine, I realized that they were covered in something.

I couldn't quite figure it out, so I continued to pull stuff out of the washing machine and shook some of it off. Well.

I finally figured it out. Somehow, in all my moronic glory, I had managed to wash an entire deck of cards.

That's right. AN ENTIRE DECK. So now, it's 11 pm, all I want to do is go to sleep, and I'm brushing card residue off my favorite sheets and trying to figure out how the hell I'm going to get all this crap off.

I'll let you know how this all turns out. Stay tuned.